Wednesday, March 18, 2015

thoughts | marble cake a.k.a. universal unhappiness

a lovely photo from the internets of a marble cake that actually looks delicious.
photo and recipe here.

I'm waiting on a detail at the car wash.  Styrofoam cup of fake hazelnut coffee in hand and feeling the guilt of an neglected blog weighing on my shoulders.

Or maybe that's just the after-effects of last night's WOD of overhead squats.

I'm not feeling particularly inspired at the moment (fake hazelnut kills creativity. You can quote me on that...), but, per usual, I have thoughts to share.

Have you ever pondered the disaster that is "Marble Cake"?

Marble cake, you know, that two-toned cake that started out as vanilla until somebody had the horrible idea to swirl chocolate batter into it before baking (or is it chocolate with vanilla?).  The proverbial "Switzerland" of pastries.  As a lover of all things wedding, a sometimes coordinator, and regular attendee.  I take cake, wedding, birthday or otherwise, very seriously and I am mystified as to why this flavor even exists.  And it certainly shouldn't be used as a wedding cake flavor.  

Think about it; for a vanilla person, the cake is tainted by chocolate.  For a chocolate lover, the cake is ruined by a stripe of white batter.  

It's a lose/lose situation y'all.

Marble cake makes approximately zeros of people happy.

Growing up in tight-knit baptist churches, I've had my fair share of the marble bakery cakes.  Baptisms, luncheons, baby dedications, bridal showers, baby showers, etc, were always a reason for cake.  And the church ladies in charge seemed to hold as tightly to the gospel of "marble makes everyone happy" as to any other bible doctrine.  Y'all.  It is a lie from the pit.  I'm here to shine some light.  Don't do it. Go with a straight up vanilla or a plain old chocolate.  Trust me on this one.

Because I love a good cake, I've noticed over the past few years (having attended and planned more than a few weddings) that cake is not as popular as it used to be.  I get it, cake is expensive, and stuffy and traditional.  The cool kids serve ice cream, doughnuts, pies, cupcakes, and more donuts.  And quite a few people have told me that they don't like cake.  I'm sorry, do you even have a heart?

I miss cake.  And most of all, buttercream.

The marble topic came up again with my sisters in the car on Friday.  It was a spirited conversation, to say the least.  We're passionate about our carbs.  And a host of other things of equal unimportance.  Feel free to ask us how we feel about, well, anything.  We'll tell you.  

The Powers girls are an opinionated bunch. 

So, here's what I think: vanilla cake, dense texture, with real vanilla and gobs of sturdy white buttercream.  Heaven.

What do you say?  Team Chocolate or Team Vanilla?  How do you feel about the Great Marble Cake Debate?


  1. You are hilarious. And dead serious, I know. I tend toward chocolate cake, but only if it's nice and dense and moist. I'd rather eat dry vanilla cake than dry chocolate cake, any day. Marble, though? Meh.

  2. Thank you for understanding. And yes, I can overlook a lot if there is an excellent frosting involved.

    P.s. I "borrowed" your photo from our calligraphy class for my profile pic. Thanks! :) I ordered a bunch of supplies and have been so busy that I've not been able to even open them up. It's tragic!

  3. I guess I don't have a heart. Thanks, I feel like such a robot.

    But yes, marble cake is too politically correct and pleases no one!

    1. Don't tell me you're not a cake person! Oh well, I guess we can still be friends.

      Politically correct, exactly. Who needs that?!?