I slept through it. The first time in over a decade that I didn't even make an effort to stay awake to welcome the year. My family spent New Years at the cabin, and I slept through it like a baby. I was tired. Tired from the drive north, tired from Christmas, tired from work, just plain tired of everything.
2012 held more failures than victories for me. Oh sure, there were accomplishments. But in my mind they are lost among my many shortcomings. It seems the things that have been on my resolution list for the past five years are still there. And I'm the same person. Still making the same mistakes.
New Years Day found me traveling home, a five hour drive. My younger siblings have now ganged up on me and I've been relocated to the back seat. It wasn't half bad, I was still able to keep them on the straight and narrow while catching up with a friend on iMessage. The backseat also gave me a bit of privacy to reflect on things. I read Ann Voskamps New Years piece, and was amazed that she was able to write out the words that I couldn't articulate myself.
And I thought of my year.
My "New Year". Of God who grants us a fresh start everyday, as my dad reminded us in family devotions the other day. "We will make our great plans and we will disappoint ourselves and God" he said. "But, we can start afresh anytime. We can repent and He will forgive." How I hate to hear that I will fail. I've spent time working on my goals for 2013. They're foolproof! I want to get it right this time, but this is the truth, we will make mistakes every time. If we "got it right" then we wouldn't need Christ or His glorious Gospel. We need to fail. We need to know that God is going to forgive, that He is greater than all our sin.
My goal for 2013 is RESOLVED. I am resolved or determined to do things differently. I've made my lists, oh gracious, have I made lists. They are thorough and filled with great plans. Some of which I will fail miserably at accomplishing. But by the grace of God I am resolved to get to work on these good things.